I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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