He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
