Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
