We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
