After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
