Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
