You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
