My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
