So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
