saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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