I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I still have a little drunk in my system
Let's get the cat blown out
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
