I'm so fucking centered right now
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If I die, sorry about rent.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
