I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
