you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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