She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how can u be prego again
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
