I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
