so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
