Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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