Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
