I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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