Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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