When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
