ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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