here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I love you.
Bad choice
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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