I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
