She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
