He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
