I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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