Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
