sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
