Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize