My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
