I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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