Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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