Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
