you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
