I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Randomize
