so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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