You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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