Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
