It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
