She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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