Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
