she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
