it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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