dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
