I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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