i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
