Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
