she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
