My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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