3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
