I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
