help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
