she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm both gender and math confused
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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