i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
