A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
