i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
