Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
