so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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