even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
