im six kinds of drunk right now
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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