have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
