Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
