Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize