Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
