I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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