Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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