omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
