We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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