I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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