some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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