Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
