Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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