i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
