he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
