Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize