They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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