Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
