He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
