He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
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He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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