That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
