when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
